An irreplaceable light over the horizon.
Yo! it's been a long since I wrote an article of something but I've noticed that my life is just a series of a sputnik moments and until I feel expressing something I just stay hidden like a shadow but when I want to express, you'd know(just my way of saying that I express very openly and extensively.)
I always had this question you know "why a man needs a woman or any male a female for that matter?" .The story of Adam and Eve, Ram and Sita or other mythological stories does represent something which are wired by default in human consciousness which according to my understanding is that everybody(including Adam, ram,Sita, Eve, etc) has their own set of flaws which nobody gonna admit completely and when they're paired with opposite sex it sometimes produces a compatibility. it's like I ain't going anywhere, I'm stuck with you and we have to figure out something if we have a life together. so, it's a sacrifice which you make in order to attain stability, in order to complete yourself. So that was marriage thing but my blog isn't about marriage or stuff like that all.
When I first read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I thought that how can anyone write a book describing a girl and get Nobel prize for it and I used to despise these love books, romantic movies, and stuff.
But guess what!! I was wrong because I can understand him now (a con of living a skeptical life).
Her eyes were like black searchlights because of that well-shaped eyeliner. you know in our childhood we used to draw that nature painting where there was an orange cone-shaped sun between triangular mountain peaks and it just looked beautiful. Her big beautiful eyes are just like that orange sunset. I guess I'm fortunate than those people who go to see the sunset because I get to see my sunset every day many times. The regrettable part is that I once made that beautiful sun cry.
There enough light in the world but those beautiful search-lights has a way more merry effect than any eyes I've seen.
And you know her wink is like those mountains have contracted just to give this selfish world another glance of that beautiful sun again.
Another thing about that her is the way she walks. her walk is so controlling and confident that I can't stop noticing. Her entire body is in her control which is not a common thing irrespective of body size and height.
She's very very conscious. I've seen that multiple times when we go out sometimes. much more than me to say the least. she knows what's happening in the surrounding like what people are saying and doing while I'm narrow sort of guy I don't take much notice of the world(I've trained myself likes this) and moreover, when she's there I hardly take much notice of other people(i doesn't mean I don't interact with other people.)
Another thing I admire about her is her dressing sense. you know she told me to wear a watch and I did straight away and I felt good. Almost all of her dresses are good and she's gorgeous man viz. true any day, anytime whether she thinks I'm faking it or not. I don't butterfy things.It's not common when you dress up for someone because first of all, it takes an effort which isn't a piece of cake for a hostel, cocky,untidy brute. Her hairstyles are just a thing of beauty which is more compatible to her facial structure than IOS13 is to Apple's hardware and French Braid on white top is just a killer, she looks stunner in that.
The interesting thing is that I always knew I gotta great potential and I'm good but you need someone to ignite that part of you and she's the perfect one for that.
It doesn't mean that she's without any flaws but her flaws devastate her other beautiful, caring and soft side which i guess I've seen more extensively than everybody else. Now, how'd I know that i'm the only one who has seen her that side but nobody else did?. The answer is simple that it's not just possible to understand her more or observe her more than i did because I couldn't give a single more thought about her than I'm doing this date...I mean that was my focus about her once and it's still his but my thoughts fluctuates from time to time but I still I'm what I was.
It all changed when I started noticing her.so after a few weeks the questions like
"What is all this attraction bullshit in the world?"
"Why should I look better?"
"Whom should I workout for?"
"Whom should I dress up for?"
Just became irrelevant.
You know I easily give up on people. For the majority part of my life, I was so focused on my own that I didn't take much notice of it even when I was in a relationship(so are other and it's okay). I was always just invested in myself. It wasn't like this from the start but all gratitude goes to my cold-hearted father so much so that after time It's get Involuntary. So for all these reasons i had my own virtual reality where there were no people but life is full of surprises because when you know everything is in control life hits you in the head with a brick. Sometimes when she hurts me or say things which I really don't like and for a moment I feel like giving up but when it comes to her...she really has something which binds me in such a way that I can't stop talking to her and my conscious instruct me never to stop talking to her and that this girl doesn't deserve given up by others.
The difference between her and other girls I'd say is that I've never ever even once thought of her in Vulgar manner and she has that sophisticated look and she's so ladylike that I'd like to have a dance with her sometimes if that's okay with her?. She pokes a sophisticated psyche of me i.e a part of me which even I like so that's why I always enjoy being with her.
You know sometimes she pairs me with other girls and although I know she doesn't mean it but it hurts sometimes and because there's no one else. Especially for a guy like me(so selective), there's no chance for anybody to in or out easily.
Sunshine is a very religious girl and I guess that's why she's very conscious from the study Jonathan Haidt Of NYU. I've always had some issues with belief systems including religion because i don't believe what I've been told rather I believe everyone should discover their own religion by having knowledge of as many belief systems as possible because, in the end, it's all spiritual stuff which comes directly from the heart unless you're dogmatic. Sometimes I do think that she doesn't like my Agnostic stance but to frankly I don't have any issues with her regarding her belief and neither should anybody to anybody because your belief doesn't define you and it's a personal thing and always have been but people in general collectivist in nature.
But when I see her religious and conservative stance, it surprises me and sometimes inclines me towards her belief like "How can anyone believe something so purely?". I find it so innocent and cute. The change from her stance on religion on myself which I've observed is that I've started to embrace the idea of god more than I used to despite the fact that I'm agnostic. It's all because of the fact that even though she belongs to one religion, she respects and loves her religions and gods too.
I observed a long time ago that girls from the south are more educated but very conservative which tightens the hinge around one's persona and their counter-parts in the north are high in openness and kinda liberal which is a loose hinge persona. But the special thing about her is that demolished all these stereotypes and structures. she's a perfect combination of liberalism and conservatism i.e she has the touch of south and coolness of the north which just enhances her preface of me or any good observer for that matter.
Another thing is that she's got a beautiful, loving, magnanimous and caring family with whom she's very attached but the interesting fact is that I know more about her family than anyone's family I've ever met. I was never interested in knowing people but astonishingly I like her family. They seem good people to me.
Another thing about her is that she's got a great sense of humor which I guess is because of the fact that despite being from one part of the country she knows languages, slangs and things from other important parts which increases her area of coverage when it comes to knowledge which helps her to make humorous statements . I never get bored of her because she's good listener(I'm a good talker) and she talks only when there's a need to do a talk or it's necessary which I like about her.
Moreover, She's loves cooking too and I've tasted her food too. Believe me, she cooks great food especially the level of spices in her food is perfectly balanced which reminds me of my mother which eventually means it's delicious.
Her love towards small kids just baffles me out because I haven't seen any girl loving kids more than she and I've got influenced too because of her as nowadays I like kids more than I used too.
I've always been a sort of manly, angry, strong, very stoic, angry man and oh boy! when I get angry it's hard to manage me even by the people who know me but the way she handles me is just funny in its own way. it's few stares and bunch of smiles of her to cool me down that's faster than any cooler that's out there in the market and this cooler surely get's infinite ratings from me. Offending her is the last thing I'd want to have. Another thing is that I never tried to compare her to anybody, she's too good to be compared.
I'll describe these changes with a story and it's good if you can understand.
Let's start
There was this Chinese farmer once whose horse got stollen
Neighbors: That's too bad
Farmer: Maybe
Then one day a pack of wild horses came running to his house from a forest nearby
Neighbors: That's great
Farmer: Maybe
Then after a few days, one of the horse broke his son's leg while he was trying to ride him.
Neighbors: That's too bad
Farmer: Maybe
Then after a few days when Chinese army officials were forcibly inducting young men from the town into the army to fight some war, they left the farmer's son because he was injured
Neighbors: That's too bad
Farmer: Maybe
So in the end I mean I don't know whether these observations that I see in myself are good or bad but I feel good for now which is important.
FYI: Blog was dramatic at times but true at the same time.
I always had this question you know "why a man needs a woman or any male a female for that matter?" .The story of Adam and Eve, Ram and Sita or other mythological stories does represent something which are wired by default in human consciousness which according to my understanding is that everybody(including Adam, ram,Sita, Eve, etc) has their own set of flaws which nobody gonna admit completely and when they're paired with opposite sex it sometimes produces a compatibility. it's like I ain't going anywhere, I'm stuck with you and we have to figure out something if we have a life together. so, it's a sacrifice which you make in order to attain stability, in order to complete yourself. So that was marriage thing but my blog isn't about marriage or stuff like that all.
When I first read Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. I thought that how can anyone write a book describing a girl and get Nobel prize for it and I used to despise these love books, romantic movies, and stuff.
But guess what!! I was wrong because I can understand him now (a con of living a skeptical life).
Introduction of "The" beautiful.
I met "Sunshine"(let's call her that) after a few days at my office. I didn't notice her for a few days but when I did believe it was one of the most beautiful I've seen which even I guess she doesn't know. The gold doesn't know what it's worth it's only the one who digs for it knows the beauty of it.Her eyes were like black searchlights because of that well-shaped eyeliner. you know in our childhood we used to draw that nature painting where there was an orange cone-shaped sun between triangular mountain peaks and it just looked beautiful. Her big beautiful eyes are just like that orange sunset. I guess I'm fortunate than those people who go to see the sunset because I get to see my sunset every day many times. The regrettable part is that I once made that beautiful sun cry.
There enough light in the world but those beautiful search-lights has a way more merry effect than any eyes I've seen.
And you know her wink is like those mountains have contracted just to give this selfish world another glance of that beautiful sun again.
Every time I look into her eyes,
I see my paradise.
Stars start shining,
Right up in the sky.
- Dedicated to the "beautiful"
Another thing about that her is the way she walks. her walk is so controlling and confident that I can't stop noticing. Her entire body is in her control which is not a common thing irrespective of body size and height.
She's very very conscious. I've seen that multiple times when we go out sometimes. much more than me to say the least. she knows what's happening in the surrounding like what people are saying and doing while I'm narrow sort of guy I don't take much notice of the world(I've trained myself likes this) and moreover, when she's there I hardly take much notice of other people(i doesn't mean I don't interact with other people.)
Another thing I admire about her is her dressing sense. you know she told me to wear a watch and I did straight away and I felt good. Almost all of her dresses are good and she's gorgeous man viz. true any day, anytime whether she thinks I'm faking it or not. I don't butterfy things.It's not common when you dress up for someone because first of all, it takes an effort which isn't a piece of cake for a hostel, cocky,untidy brute. Her hairstyles are just a thing of beauty which is more compatible to her facial structure than IOS13 is to Apple's hardware and French Braid on white top is just a killer, she looks stunner in that.
The interesting thing is that I always knew I gotta great potential and I'm good but you need someone to ignite that part of you and she's the perfect one for that.
She always smiles
When I bring her "chokii" or something
Or candy
Her laughter explodes
If I say something clever
Or funny
And if I do something wrong
Somehow
She always makes it right
It doesn't mean that she's without any flaws but her flaws devastate her other beautiful, caring and soft side which i guess I've seen more extensively than everybody else. Now, how'd I know that i'm the only one who has seen her that side but nobody else did?. The answer is simple that it's not just possible to understand her more or observe her more than i did because I couldn't give a single more thought about her than I'm doing this date...I mean that was my focus about her once and it's still his but my thoughts fluctuates from time to time but I still I'm what I was.
It all changed when I started noticing her.so after a few weeks the questions like
"What is all this attraction bullshit in the world?"
"Why should I look better?"
"Whom should I workout for?"
"Whom should I dress up for?"
Just became irrelevant.
You know I easily give up on people. For the majority part of my life, I was so focused on my own that I didn't take much notice of it even when I was in a relationship(so are other and it's okay). I was always just invested in myself. It wasn't like this from the start but all gratitude goes to my cold-hearted father so much so that after time It's get Involuntary. So for all these reasons i had my own virtual reality where there were no people but life is full of surprises because when you know everything is in control life hits you in the head with a brick. Sometimes when she hurts me or say things which I really don't like and for a moment I feel like giving up but when it comes to her...she really has something which binds me in such a way that I can't stop talking to her and my conscious instruct me never to stop talking to her and that this girl doesn't deserve given up by others.
The difference between her and other girls I'd say is that I've never ever even once thought of her in Vulgar manner and she has that sophisticated look and she's so ladylike that I'd like to have a dance with her sometimes if that's okay with her?. She pokes a sophisticated psyche of me i.e a part of me which even I like so that's why I always enjoy being with her.
You know sometimes she pairs me with other girls and although I know she doesn't mean it but it hurts sometimes and because there's no one else. Especially for a guy like me(so selective), there's no chance for anybody to in or out easily.
Sunshine is a very religious girl and I guess that's why she's very conscious from the study Jonathan Haidt Of NYU. I've always had some issues with belief systems including religion because i don't believe what I've been told rather I believe everyone should discover their own religion by having knowledge of as many belief systems as possible because, in the end, it's all spiritual stuff which comes directly from the heart unless you're dogmatic. Sometimes I do think that she doesn't like my Agnostic stance but to frankly I don't have any issues with her regarding her belief and neither should anybody to anybody because your belief doesn't define you and it's a personal thing and always have been but people in general collectivist in nature.
But when I see her religious and conservative stance, it surprises me and sometimes inclines me towards her belief like "How can anyone believe something so purely?". I find it so innocent and cute. The change from her stance on religion on myself which I've observed is that I've started to embrace the idea of god more than I used to despite the fact that I'm agnostic. It's all because of the fact that even though she belongs to one religion, she respects and loves her religions and gods too.
I observed a long time ago that girls from the south are more educated but very conservative which tightens the hinge around one's persona and their counter-parts in the north are high in openness and kinda liberal which is a loose hinge persona. But the special thing about her is that demolished all these stereotypes and structures. she's a perfect combination of liberalism and conservatism i.e she has the touch of south and coolness of the north which just enhances her preface of me or any good observer for that matter.
Another thing is that she's got a beautiful, loving, magnanimous and caring family with whom she's very attached but the interesting fact is that I know more about her family than anyone's family I've ever met. I was never interested in knowing people but astonishingly I like her family. They seem good people to me.
Another thing about her is that she's got a great sense of humor which I guess is because of the fact that despite being from one part of the country she knows languages, slangs and things from other important parts which increases her area of coverage when it comes to knowledge which helps her to make humorous statements . I never get bored of her because she's good listener(I'm a good talker) and she talks only when there's a need to do a talk or it's necessary which I like about her.
Moreover, She's loves cooking too and I've tasted her food too. Believe me, she cooks great food especially the level of spices in her food is perfectly balanced which reminds me of my mother which eventually means it's delicious.
Her love towards small kids just baffles me out because I haven't seen any girl loving kids more than she and I've got influenced too because of her as nowadays I like kids more than I used too.
I've always been a sort of manly, angry, strong, very stoic, angry man and oh boy! when I get angry it's hard to manage me even by the people who know me but the way she handles me is just funny in its own way. it's few stares and bunch of smiles of her to cool me down that's faster than any cooler that's out there in the market and this cooler surely get's infinite ratings from me. Offending her is the last thing I'd want to have. Another thing is that I never tried to compare her to anybody, she's too good to be compared.
Effects of changes I observed in Myself.
well, it's hard to describe because it's not just a plain black and white feelings but something operating in the grey area i.e something ambiguous metaphysical thing.I'll describe these changes with a story and it's good if you can understand.
Let's start
There was this Chinese farmer once whose horse got stollen
Neighbors: That's too bad
Farmer: Maybe
Then one day a pack of wild horses came running to his house from a forest nearby
Neighbors: That's great
Farmer: Maybe
Then after a few days, one of the horse broke his son's leg while he was trying to ride him.
Neighbors: That's too bad
Farmer: Maybe
Then after a few days when Chinese army officials were forcibly inducting young men from the town into the army to fight some war, they left the farmer's son because he was injured
Neighbors: That's too bad
Farmer: Maybe
So in the end I mean I don't know whether these observations that I see in myself are good or bad but I feel good for now which is important.
FYI: Blog was dramatic at times but true at the same time.
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